Heart in right place

Hi readers,

This is my very first blog. I have decided to write to be able to deal with the situation and to hear from people who go through the same. I am Indian and hope i find somebody who can relate to my situation.

I am very average person. Through I have been always on top through out my unmarried life, it changed after I got married. For many reasons it happened. I was very good in academics but not household thing. And as they say it is really the first impression is the last impression. I leraned so many things aftre my marraige w.r.t. household chores.....including cooking...."i am not as good" is still the mindset for my in-laws. Initial period was so hard and constant 'advice sessions' were not good for my mental health. Though I was from professional education background, my english was not very good and my husband was in US and I needed to settle there. I learnt english well, did my further education, have a kiddo and it has been a long married journey...about 12 years. I am still being judge by in-laws and being compared with other over-achiever indian women here in US. I am an average mother, average housewife, average employee, average wife. Average, average, average.....but still juggle everything, if not excellent result I get by. And that becomes an issue when in-laws come. I can not as good food as my MIL does. I am not so organized, so I forget if a have piece of paper in my hand and leave it somewhere else. And the list goes on.......I do not know how to speak-up. I keep everything to my heart and keep boiling. I wish somebody can understand how much pain i go through to achieve in a day what I do....being an average mind person. I would love if I am seen as a family member and not as performing person at work where one gets judge at work one does. If food is not cooked well, instead of thinking.."at-least she cooks..." . I get "o, no body would touch food like this", 'third rate'.....In spite of working hard where i have no interests, no sense of accomplishement.

When it is just us - no in-laws. They are nice but way to interferring in out lives. And making sure that things are done the way they do it. They help and takes care of my 5 years old kiddo. But if I forget to take out my kiddo's clothes to wear during the day time, when I come home it is a big issue...I am always fearful to go home....'what would i have missed at home that as soon as I reach home I will get welcome with!'.

There is more I can write, enough for today! Hopign to find friends here.